Case study L3 – The Issues with Long Distance Relationship

By: Khalid Iqbal, Founder of Rahmaa Institute

Introduction: Couples who are separated by long distances, and not living together sometime cause deep differences between them. It takes extra effort to repair the damage and mend the relationship. This case study is a representation of a number of cases that we have dealt with in recent past. All names of individuals appearing in our articles, case studies, or scenarios are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Soon after their marriage Ashraf left his newly married wife Aneesah for Dubai to resume his job. Aneesah stayed back to finish her studies for another 1-1/2 year. They were in love and were willing to sacrifice for each other’s sake and for a better future. A few weeks after Aneesah found out that she was pregnant. She broke the news to Ashraf, he was surprised as to how it could be. They talked about family planning before marriage and he wanted her to finish her studies and move to Dubai with him a settle down before starting a family. He said he was happy about the news but had reservations as to why? Aneesha being a converted Muslimah for less than a year was told by her sheikh that contraceptive was not acceptable in Islam.

She felt very lonely and without much support from her non-Muslim family or even from the local Muslim community.

They would communicate to each other daily through texting, or video chatting and other means often multiple times. The frequency of their communication started to dwindle. From daily talking it went down to once per week or every two weeks. Instead of sweet talk they would mostly talk about the issues Aneesah is facing with her pregnancy or about the problems Ashraf was facing on his job.

Days turned in weeks and weeks into months. Aneesah was so disappointed when Ahsraf told her that he would not be able to come for the delivery. She struggled with it on her own. After all of her efforts to convince him to come back to US and find a job here failed two years into the marriage she decided to move to Dubai to live with her husband, but one after another she was told about the complications like housing, finance, child schooling that would not allow her and her child to move.

In the past five years Ashraf has been to US only twice for four weeks each time. Aneesha is raising their son by herself. They hardly communicate with each other, mostly when he send her monthly allowance for their expenses, that also a meager amount. Aneesah finally finished her studies after three years and is now working full time.

It was a bombshell when Aneesah found from a friend visiting Dubai that her husband was in an intimate relationship with one of his coworker who was living with him for the past three years. Aneesah took the next flight available to Dubai in an effort to save her marriage.

1. Would you agree that long distance relationship create many issues and misunderstanding in marriage?
2. If yes, what kind of issues?
3. Please write us at if you have experience with long distance living or know someone who had this experience?
4. Where do you think the responsibility lies in this case?
5. Should Aneesah have listened to her husband and avoid pregnancy?
6. What are your thoughts on the contraceptives?
7. What do you suggest to the couple in order to overcome their issues?
8. What would you suggest to Ashraf?
9. What would you suggest to Aneesah?
10. Would there be a separate outcome if they didn’t had a child?
11. Will this have an effect on their children if they found out? If yes what kind of effect?

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