Case study H3 – Self-esteem and Insecurity: Does it lead to Suspicion of your spouse

This article highlight how insecurity lead to low self esteem and suspicion.

by; Khalid Iqbal Founder Rahmaa Institute

Case Study: it started when I and my husband went to the Eid party two years ago. It was a mixed gathering where women were dressed in flashy dresses. There was hardly anyone with hijab there except myself and a couple of other women. We noticed this couple that we had never seen before. They said that they recently moved here and are looking to make new friends. They were also in the market for a new home. Since my husband is in the real state business he gave his business card to the husband who passed it to his wife saying since she is not working she will be calling my husband. We are not very hard-core in our thinking but that raised concern. During the evening what felt to me that my husband was taking a lot of interest in her and was constantly talking to her. On the way back home I was upset and told him about my feeling and he responded jokingly “Too bad she is taken or she would be great for a second wife”. At that point I exploded and started to cry to which he said in an insensitive way “I was only good to her because she was a potential client. What do you know about how sales are made? That is what I do day in and day out.”

His comments made me so suspicious of my husband of 11 years. The first opportunity I had I checked his phone and email account for any suspicious activity. Every day he goes to work I worry how is dealing with female clients. I constantly have this feeling that my husband is taking interest in a good-looking women in the shopping mall, or in a party or wherever we go. It usually results in a fight. I constantly think about my husband flirting with other women. It reminds me of my mother’s plight when my father left her for a younger women after 15 years of marriage. I requested him to change his profession of 20 years. It has polluted our home environment and I am now constantly under suspicion and depression. What can I do? Please help.

Discussion Question:
1. Define what the problem is?
2. Who is at fault here both, wife or husband?
3. What should the husband do to calm his wife?
4. Is it OK for husbands to look at other women and then joke about the second wife?
5. What should the wife do, for her to come out of suspicion and depression?
6. Should she seek professional Psychiatric help?
7. Should the husband change his profession? Would that solve the issue?
8. Do you know of any such cases of friends or family? Do write to us your comments at

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