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By Khalid Iqbal – Founder Rahmaa Institute
FORMAT
CASE STUDY:
Akbar and Sajda came to me for counseling. Their first comment was please help us save our marriage. We think we have come to a road block. Both of us want to stay together but the arguments are becoming unbearable. Both Akbar and Sajda are professional and between the two make over quarter of a million dollars per year. Both are financially independent and pitch in on a percentage basis in the home expenses. They maintain their own bank account as they felt there was no need for a joint account. I was surprised and totally taken aback when in one of the sessions they told me, “We talked about this before we got married and felt that this way it is a clean break in case we decide to break up and divorce”.
After the sixth session when it seem that they are coming on board in resolving their issue,s I asked if they were ready to start tackling the main issues, they agreed but would not stop bringing the small petty issues back in the discussion. I realized that there is something else that they are keeping from me. I decided to talk to them individually instead of as a couple.
My next session was with the wife and she once again talked about the issues that we had discussed before. She went on and on with all the life problems and how she has struggled to reach this status. She has seen tough time growing up and had to support herself and siblings. Her father had anger issues and was not supportive of their mother or children. That resulted her being very protective of what is hers and did not trust anyone including her husband Akbar.
When it was husband’s turn one issue that came out was that it started with a dream that she had about her husband having an affair with another woman. When she told him about the dream, he (according to him) jokingly said that he was and he is seriously thinking about a second wife and that he is seeing someone. That flared Sajda so much that they have not talked to each other with a straight face for months now. The husband assured me that he loves his wife and that was only a joke.
I also found out that despite the fact that they were only married for two and half years their marital relations were not healthy. According to her she allows him to have the marital relation but she is frigid and shows no response or emotions to his approach or during the course. Her mind wonders about all the negativity and bad things that have happened in the past and presently between them.
He on the other hand was a passive person, especially when it came to defending his wife. His family members would take a jab at his wife, or pass negative remarks towards her and he always would ignore saying they are just joking. That time and time again would bring back horrible memories to Sajda of her childhood the treatment of her father toward her mother. This has been the case well before the dream, but came out in the open after the dream.
She wants to have children from him.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
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