Case Study E3 – In Laws 1

Assalamu Alaykum,


I hope you remember me, me & K use to come to you for marriage counseling… that really saved our marriage.


I am writing to you today without letting K know, if he finds out he will probably not be happy. but I need help


After our counseling session, both of us worked hard to get everything to go smoothly, I calmed down and accepted my situation. K changed his ways and really tried to understand me as well. As a result things at home calmed down, I stopped answering back and basically just ignored my own wishes and let my in laws do whatever they wanted and that made them happy as well. I stopped even showing my disagreement when my mother-in-law intervenes in everything I and K do. We have not been to an outing or movie for months now as I cannot take the criticism for days after. I especially feel disgusted when my father-in-law talks to me rudely asking me to clean their bedroom toilet. Things at home are good on surface; because I let my In-Laws do as they wish. Despite their continuous intervention I obey them as a slave. I try to hide my frustrations and not verbalize my feelings. I keep everything bottled up inside never complain to K and just let things go.


We are still living with K’s parents, but we just bought a house. K wants to rent it out that was the intention in buying it as well. I want to move in the house. Both I and K agree on the fact that this house (K’s parents house) is not our house… we don’t feel like we have any say in what happens and both of us would like to have our own house. K wants to wait and get another property and then we can move in that house so we have rental income as well. I feel like that will not happen that in the end we will stay here in this house and we will never be able to move out. I think this is the perfect time to move out because we can convince them easily… we are getting a FHA house that requires us to be home occupants, K is trying to find a way around it to rent it out, when I try to talk to him about it which I do ALOT he says he feels like am pushing him and that we need to be well off financially to be able to do this. He is willing to put the house on rent for 800 dollars.


Before I got married Ks sisters and mom him picked out some furniture for this house and he paid it in installments, when we got done with that, we paid for our medical bills with H.


So I have tried to convince him that we can live comfortably in our own house as well but he is not willing to listen to me. I feel like if I let this go then I lose my chance in moving out as well.


I don’t know what to do, I pray and ask for patience but patience never comes… and I just feel so frustrated, I still try to tell K I’ll stay by his side for whatever decision he makes but I feel like if he does rent it out then it will be a very selfish decision.


What do I do?



  1. Identify the issues
  2. Is it okay for the couples to live in the husband’s parent’s home?
  3. How far should the parents intervene with the newly married couple?
  4. How about the father-in-law?
  5. What kind of work sharing be in house hold chores?
  6. What would you recommend to the couple to handle their situation?
  7. What effect do you think the current situation will have on their marriage, short and long term?


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