Other Links

• About Us
  • Vision & Mission
  • Our Work
  • Counseling procedure
  • Charges and donations
  • Our current capacity
• Counseling
  • Pre-Marital Counseling Course
    • Premarital Course Topics and Other Details
    • Everything You Need To Know About Premarital Counseling
    • The Benefits of Premarital Counseling with Rahmaa Institute
    • FAQ – Addressing Your Concerns
    • Premarital Counseling Assignment & Exercises
      • Premarital Counseling Session 1 – Exercise
      • Premarital Counseling – Session 2 – Exercise 1
      • Premarital Counseling – Session 3 – Exercises
      • Premarital Counseling – Session 4 – Assignments
      • Premarital Counseling – Session 5 – Assignments
  • Counseling Process and Personal Information Form
  • Counseling Sessions
  • Counseling Couple
  • Frequently Asked Questions – FAQ
  • Post-Marital Education
    • Islamic Marriage Counseling
  • Tips to Choose a Marriage Counselor
  • Ground Rules for Family Mediation/Counseling at Rahmaa Institute
• Marriage Issues
  • After all this how can I trust him?
  • Marital issues facing Muslims: Analysis and Recommendations
  • Parents Involvement in the Life of Married Couple
  • Marriage Contract and Agreement
  • Step-Parenting in Islam
  • IT IS SAD BUT IT HAPPENS – It has ruined so many, some for life
  • The shock of not being able to consummate soon after marriage
• Divorce
  • Divorce
  • Divorce in Islam
  • Ruling on Triple Divorce
  • Divorce amongst the elderly
  • The Role of Religious Traditions in Peace-Making for Divorcing Families – Islamic Perspective
  • Effects of divorce on children
• Domestic Violence
  • Rahmaa Launches new “Domestic Violence Prevention and Anger Management Course”
  • The Causes of Anger and It’s Medicine
  • Anger Management
  • My Pledge against Domestic Violence and Anger
  • Identifying Types of Abuse
  • Islamic Mediation
  • Conflict Ground Rules
  • What Motivates an Individual to Anger?
  • Don’t be a victim of domestic violence
  • Smile
  • 25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety
• Resources
  • 100 questions by Imam Magid
  • Fundamentals of a happy marriage
  • 27 Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage
  • Effective Listening
  • Twelve Important Tips for a Happy Marriage Life
  • The “No No” Self-Exam For Married Couples
  • American Muslim Marital Quality by Aliya R. Chapman
• Case Studies
  • Communications
    • Case Study A1 – Unrealistic Expectations
    • Case Study A2 Communication Breakdown
  • Trust
    • Case Study B1 – Building bridges of trust with your loved one
    • Case Study B2 – Marital Interference
    • Case Study B3 – What Should I Do? My fiancé just dropped a bombshell
  • Family Interference
    • Family & Friends Interference
      • Case Study C1 – Interfering relatives
    • In-Laws Interference
      • Case Study E1 – Visiting Parents on Eid
      • Case Study E2 – Taunting Mother In-Law
      • Case Study E3 – In Laws 1
  • Parents
    • Case Study F1 – Parents Moving In
    • Case Study F2 – Parents delima
  • Marriage Issues
    • Case Study G1 – Save my marriage
    • Case Study G2 – Is Divorce the Answer?
  • Self Conscious
    • Case Study H1 – Why is the whole world against me?
    • Case study H2 – Self-esteem and Insecurity: Do they lead to suspicion of your spouse?
    • Case study H3 – Self-esteem and Insecurity: Does it lead to Suspicion of your spouse
  • Anger
    • Case study J1 Sisters Don’t Leave your Husbands for an Extended Time
    • Case Study K1 – Resentment and Anger – Contemplating Divorce after 28 years of marriage
  • Interfaith and Intercultural Issues
    • Cross cultural relationships
    • What is Culture and how do we define Cultural Identity?
    • Counseling couples on cross cultural issues
  • Shameful acts
    • Case Study L1 – My Husband was Addicted to Porn and Fantasies
    • Case study L2 – Pornographic Addiction
    • Case study L3 – The Issues with Long Distance Relationship
• Testimonials
  • Testimonial 1 – Anger Management
  • Testimonial 2 – Premarital Counseling
  • Testimonial 3 – Marriage Counseling
  • Testimonial 4 – Court Ordered Counseling and Anger Management Course
  • Testimonial 5 – Marriage Counseling
  • Testimonial 6 – PreMarrital Counseling From Dubai and USA
  • Testimonial 7 – Website Found by Chance

Case study L2 – Pornographic Addiction

By: Khalid Iqbal Founder of Rahmaa Institute

Warning: Some of the content of this article is explicit and may be offensive to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
Introduction: Pornographic addiction is a disease destroying many Muslims across the world. A Google survey reports that out of ten top countries surfing porn site 7 are predominantly Muslim countries such as Pakistan, Egypt, UAE etc. Thousands and probably millions of families are affected by this disease. If you know any case of situation please write back to us at Rahmaa.Institute@gmail.com . We are trying to compile a statistics of Muslims in this situation. Please help us compile the statistics by sharing your experience. All information will be kept strictly confidential. All names of individuals appearing in our articles, case studies, or scenarios are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

CASE STUDY

Aslam was a mess when he approached us for help. He was totally confused about his life. His marriage was in trouble. He had committed so many grave mistakes that he started to hate himself. He even tried to commit unsuccessful suicide twice. In a situation when no women would stay with such husband his wife Rehana stood by and supported him ready to give him another chance.
Aslam’s story is not the only such case. There are hundreds of cases in recent times that are similar. Many go undetected by their spouses or other loved ones. Thousands of men are addicted to this disease and don’t know how to take care of themselves and get out of it.
Aslam’s addiction began when his wife and their 2 year old daughter went back home for a few weeks. It started with a discussion among his colleagues at a party who started to share their sexual fantasies that they learn from internet. He began looking at soft pornography and started masturbating to satisfy his sexual desires. He explored things on the website that is unimaginable for any married person. He started to fantasize different sexual situations. Many unimaginable in any civilized society. Soon it became a routine. He stumbled into a chat room and met a woman named Nancy. One thing lead to another Nancy started to come closer and closer to him sympathizing with his loneliness and lack of intimacy. They would chat what seem like most of night on a daily basis. Soon it started to affect his daily routine and his work performance. His prayer started to become irregular, and so did his communication to his wife and child.
During video chatting Nancy started to tease him by exposing herself more and more to him, and would talk him into masturbating for her on camera. Aslam wanted to meet with her but she tauntingly would resist saying it will cost him that he may not be able to afford, also they were so far away. He was in US and she was from Eastern Europe. Each time he asked her she would make excuses taunting him more. After many tries one Tuesday she said she is ready to meet him over the weekend. That she was in desperate need of financial help of 5000 Euros. At such short notice he could only get full fare flight that he took on Thursday to her city in Europe. There in a hotel they spent the whole weekend together. Aslam as a deprived hungry for sex had his dream come true. Being a professional Nancy knew how to manipulate Aslam. She fulfilled all of his fantasies and sexual desires. It was an expensive weekend for Aslam with all the travel, food and hotel he ended up giving her $6000 cash. Aslam who was very committed and regular in his daily prayer missed all of his prayers.
He came back more confused and was debating what to do with the situation. The lady taking advantage of his weakness clearly told him that she cannot be with a married man. Aslam started to think how to tell his wife that he is thinking of divorcing her. It was under these circumstances when his wife and child came back to USA. His heart melted when he saw his wife and little girl. He didn’t had the courage even to bring the subject.
His wife Rehana felt right away something was not right. Their intimacy was not the same as it should be after weeks of separation. One day instead of being intimate with her she saw him masturbating in the bathroom. She was shocked to see the porn sites he was surfing. His net surfing history was filled with nasty and extremely dirty sites. She saw the chats on whatsapp between her husband and this woman. She started to cry.
In the evening she confronted him only to find him in denial and extremely arrogant. She asked him about $10,000 expense over one weekend and the airline ticket charged for Europe the same weekend. Aslam responded with arrogance. His wrath turned into violent anger and that was the first time he raised his hand on her and pronounced divorce. He blamed it all on her saying you never satisfy me the way these women do.
After almost one and half year since we started counseling them Alhamdullalah the situation is improving. Rehana is helping and supporting her husband in recovery. They are blessed with their second child a boy. Aslam and Rehana both found different jobs in another city and moved to give them a fresh start. Aslam has changed all of his contact information, new phone, email, Skype address etc. They decided it is best for them to avoid social media and instead of surfing on the net he is taking Islamic courses at their local Masjid. They also went through our 16 week anger management course. Besides spending quality time with their children they are also volunteering for a number of humanitarian causes that keep them busy. The credit goes mostly to Sr. Rahana who helped her husband every step of the way to recovery and rehabilitation form this poisonous disease.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Do you think that watching pornographic material is an issue among Muslim?
2. If yes how serious is the issue?
3. What do you think leads to such behavior among Muslims? Is that more prominent in conservative culture such as in Pakistan?
4. Is it prevalent among men or both genders?
5. What effect you think adultery (sexual acts between a married person and a person other than the spouse) have on Muslim family?
6. How does fornication (sexual acts between unmarried people) affect people after their marriage? Should the individual inform their potential spouse, or should they keep it hidden with the hope that it will not have an effect after married life
7. How does such activity effect the children?
8. Is it better to seek professional help and guidance right away or wait?
9. It is common among addicts to show anger and attitude. How should their spouse react?
10. Some parents push their parents to wait till their sons and daughter achieve a professional degree or have a house and car etc. before marriage. Is that is good idea?
11. Should it be the role of parents or Imams or schools to teach about sex and desires?